


To Love A Lie

by moviefan_92



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternative Sexuality, Alucard as Girlycard, Angst, Angst and Drama, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Background Het, Betrayal, Butlers, Crimes & Criminals, Dark Fantasy, Double Agents, Dracula Influence/References, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Familiars, First Love, Forbidden Love, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Gender or Sex Swap, Genderbending, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Character, Genderplay, Genderqueer, Genderqueer Character, Ghouls, Hate Crimes, Hate to Love, Heavy Angst, Hellsing Organization, Hellsing Post-Canon, Hellsing Pre-Canon, Hellsing Ultimate OVA, Hellsing: The Abridged Series, Het, Het and Slash, Human, Human/Monster Romance, Human/Vampire Relationship, Inspired By Hellsing, Light Angst, Love, Love at First Sight, Love/Hate, M/M, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Millennium | Letze Battallion, Monster Hunters, Monsters, Nazis, Origin Story, Partner Betrayal, Pre-Blind Betrayal, Psychological Drama, Queer Het, Relationship(s), Romantic Friendship, Sexuality, Sexuality Crisis, Supernatural Elements, Tragedy, Treason, True Love, Undead, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, Vampire Hunters, Vampires, War, War Crimes, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26470387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moviefan_92/pseuds/moviefan_92
Summary: One-shot. Walter reflects on his betrayal of the Hellsing Organization and why he gave up everything for a chance to kill Alucard. Team Four Star inspired.Angst/Drama/Tragedy/Romance/Supernatural/Fantasy. Pairings: Alucard and Walter (one-sided). Rated because it needed a rating.COMPLETE
Relationships: Alucard & Walter Dornez, Alucard/Walter Dornez
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	To Love A Lie

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N: Whew, I'm on a role with one-shots this year. At least it feels like I am. Anyway, I recently got around to watching Team Four Star's Hellsing Abridged. And, of course, I loved it! And it also gave me an idea for this. It's basically going into further detail for Walter's betrayal using a similar theme to what TFS used in their version. Please not that the thoughts and opinions of the characters in this story do not reflect my own and are only there for the purpose of the story.)
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**" TO LOVE A LIE"**

Walter C. Dornez did not believe in love at first sight, yet he didn't know what else to call this. It should have been an absurd notion, the thought of instantly falling for someone upon setting eyes on them for the first time, without knowing anything about them. It was something you only read about in fairytales, yet that was exactly what he was feeling. There were no other words for it; Walter was in love.

The strange girl, the one who had stepped out of that coffin he had been carrying around, the feelings she invoked within him, they were love. The moment she stepped into the light, he knew. And he wanted her, more than anything; he wanted to make her his, no matter what.

But life was cruel. Walter had known that for a long time now, despite his age. But this, this was something he hadn't seen coming, and it seemed extra cruel, even in this world of horror and tragedy. Not falling in love, but who he had fallen in love with. As a professional vampire hunter, he knew what they were capable of, especially _this_ vampire. Which only made how he felt all the worse, because he knew that that girl was no girl.

Alucard was the trump card of the Hellsing organization. The King of Vampires himself. Taking on a female form was nothing, merely something he did for amusement. Walter knew this, and yet his heart still reacted, despite what his brain was telling him. The form he saw before him had been a fake, a lie, and still he had fallen.

Walter wasn't gay. He had nothing against homosexuals, but he wasn't one himself. Whatever two people did in the bedroom was up to them, and they could do whatever they wanted; he honestly didn't care. The thought of doing it himself was revolting though, which only made the way he was feeling for what he knew to really be a man in disguise sickened him.

How the hell was he supposed to deal with this? People could use the whole you fall in love with who a person is, not what they are argument all they wanted, but Walter didn't believe or accept that. There was no "if it's you, it's ok" scenario; that was pure fiction. But even knowing who the girl he had fallen for really was, it didn't stop his feelings for her. No, not her, _him._

He hated it. Hated it more than he could stand. He had fallen for the female form of Alucard. He was in love with a lie. And what was worse, even knowing who and what Alucard really was, even looking at the vampire's true form, he still longed for the other one, the female one, the _fake_ one. It was more than he could take. It was enough to drive a person mad.

Not that anyone knew. When he had been younger, Walter hadn't been to good at hiding his emotions. But he got good at hiding them, especially _these_ particular emotions. He would never let anyone know how he really felt. Which made learning to mask his emotions even more important. He knew of Alucard's abilities. If the vampire wanted to, he could read the thoughts and emotions of others. So Walter made it a point of putting on a show of fake emotions, emotions that were plain to see, but were, overall false.

But hiding what he was feeling was different from not feeling anything. And so, every time Alucard appeared before him, his heart would skip a beat, hoping to see the face of the girl he fell in love with. But every time it was that of the vampire's real face, he was always disappointed. It disgusted him; it made him feel weak.

He felt like he was completely in the vampire's power, at the mercy of a mere dream, an illusion, and he hated it to no end. He couldn't make Alucard his, because the real Alucard was not the one he wanted, but he still couldn't let her go. The image of her invaded his dreams; it haunted his thoughts.

And every time he saw the vampire, he hated him all the more for doing this to him. And what was worse, it hadn't even been intentional. Taking on that female form had been something Alucard had done on a whim. It hadn't meant anything to him, yet it had meant everything to Walter.

It was just a dream. That's what it came down to. His love was nothing more than a dream, an illusion, a vision that continued to torment him no matter how hard he tried to forget it. He wanted to be rid of it, but at the same time, he didn't. That unbearable longing to make her his was all consuming, plaguing him night and day.

If it had been Alucard himself alter had fallen for, as he really was, that may have been one thing. He was pretty sure that the vampire's sexual preference swung in every single way possible. But for Walter, it was only her, that… _Girlycard_. The real Alucard did nothing for him. To be honest, he never card for the vampire. But after this, he was filled with an unbearable hatred. It clashed horribly with the feelings of love he had for what was essentially, the same person.

It was a common trope. When someone loved or wanted something so desperately, but they were unable to obtain it, they instead sought to destroy it. If they couldn't have it, then no one could, or so the saying went. That had been the deciding factor. Walter could never have the person he wanted, not really, and so that left him with only one option; to destroy the object of his affection and free himself of it.

But no, he knew that there would be no freeing himself of it. These feelings of his would never die. But if he could destroy Alucard, then it would at least take the vampire completely out of the picture. Then he wouldn't be filled with unbearable longing and hatred every time he saw the vampire's face, wishing it was that of _hers_.

What more, if he was able to kill him, then, in a way, Alucard would truly belong to him. His life would belong to Walter alone, including the girl he had fallen in love with. For that alone, Walter was willing to do anything. He would betray everyone, sacrifice his life, sell his very soul to the devil for that, just to have that small bit of his love to himself.

But Walter was no fool. As strong and as skilled as he was, he knew that he would never be able to kill Alucard. The Vampire King was far too powerful. With the strength and abilities of all his familiars, he was practically a god. How he was ever bested by mere humans and made into a slave was completely beyond Walter.

That wasn't the real issue though. Walter had faced all kinds of horrible monsters while working under the Hellsing Organization. The real problem was the quite literal thousands, if not millions of lives the vampire had within him, all stolen from those he'd fed off of over during long un-life. Walter may be able to kill Alucard if he had a single life, but the lives of everyone he'd drained and familiarized over the course of hundreds of years were within him, it was completely unrealistic.

It was a statistical impossibility that he would be able to kill the vampire a million times over until Alucard was finally put down for good. If he wasn't killed by him or one of his familiars, then Walter knew that his own body would collapse from exhaustion before he even managed to make a dent in all those lives.

But there was a way. Walter knew how Alucard's powers worked, including the locks on his abilities. With every sealed removed, Alucard would unleash more of his power. And with the final seal lifted, he would be able to unleash all the souls within him and use them as his own personal army of familiars. And while this would bring the vampire to his peak of power, it would also leave him at his most vulnerable, with only his own single life within him. That would be the time to strike. That would enable someone to pierce the monster through his heart and kill him once and for all.

But that wasn't going to be easy. Alucard removing his restraints to Level Zero would quite literally unleash an army straight out of Hell. That was a situation that would only be allowed to happen if there was no other choice. It would take another army to make Alucard resort to that.

Most specifically, a Nazi army.

Sometimes Walter wondered how much the Major was able to understand about a person with just a look. The man may be insane, but he was also a genius. And he was planning a war with the world. No, not the world, with Hellsing. Or, more specifically, with Alucard.

That was Walter's answer. The Major would be able to provide him what he needed, the opportunity to kill Alucard. And so Walter had tracked him down. Surprisingly, it hadn't been that hard, which made him wonder if perhaps the Major had actually allowed himself to be discovered, or even provided a way for Walter to find him.

Walter had meant what he had told the Major during their first meeting. He would never join Millennium. But then, he hadn't been in love when he had said that. From the moment he saw the female Alucard step out of that coffin, everything had changed. He now knew that if he couldn't have her, he would have to destroy her. It was the only way he could end his torment and claim some part of the vampire for himself. There was simply no other option for him. Even if he died in the process, he had to do it. He wasn't joining Millennium, not exactly, he was simply doing whatever it took to take the vampire down.

The Major didn't care, and quite literally welcomed Walter into his ranks with open arms, despite knowing what the Hellsing agent was really after. Their goals were the same, even if their motives were different, and that was enough. From that day on, Walter worked as a double agent, waiting for the day to come when he would be able to take Alucard's life.

And so he wore a false face and bided his time. Even if he had to wait years, even decades, he was willing to wait for that day, for that one brief opportunity to be able to kill the one he loved, and forever make her his. He would pierce the vampire's heart the same way his had been pierced. Then he would finally be free of his love, while simultaneously claiming it for all eternity.

It wouldn't be easy, but if he had to love a lie, then he could certainly live one.

**THE END**

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N: So, yeah, there it is, a more in depth look into Walter's betrayal inspired by TFS. In case anyone was wondering why I didn't just have Walter fall for the regular Alucard instead of, um, Girlycard, it's because I don't think there would have been an issue then, as I'm pretty sure Alucard does swing for every playing field there is, so it wouldn't really be an issue. It also makes the scenario more complex for Walter and gives him more of a motive. Not to mention it makes Alucard taking on his girl form in his final fight with Walter more impactful, and possible even hints that Alucard was aware of his feelings for his female form, and so he took it just to mess with him further, because, well, he's Alucard, it's kind of what he does. So, anyway, let me know what you think.)


End file.
